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When dark times come again… as dark times do…

And contempt…

And cynicism…

And prejudice…

Feel choking… and present… and personal…

We are tempted to believe that darkness is all there is…

We are tempted to believe that cruelty is all there is…

We are tempted to believe that hate has won…

But try to remember that… from the beginning …

We have been faced with those who have lost their compassion…

Lost their kindness…

Lost their hope…

Lost their way…

From the beginning, we have been faced with those who have lost their grace.

And – in so doing – try to annihilate ours…

It is not possible.

Across time…

Across cultures…

And across the globe…

Storms come…

And change the landscape for a time.

Storms come…

And try to make us believe that nothing exists but storm…

But we hold tight…

Together…

In our fear…

In our sorrow…

In our outrage…

We hold tight…

Together…

In our love…

In our courage…

And in our faith

We hold tight…

Together…

In our resolve.

And the storm consumes itself.

The darkness fades.

The skies clear.

And we endure.

Together.

We.

Endure.

While the bomb blast in New York City last night (just a few blocks from where I live), was and is – unsettling and scary – it also gives us an opportunity to add to the conversation on “terror” and “terrorism” – and fear and panic – and how we react to the events around us.

While of course we need to be vigilant in our preparation for, and responses to, terrorist ideologies, we also want to make sure that we do not miss an opportunity to discuss something beyond the sexy sound bites of “terror cells” and “rogue terrorists.”

The time is right for a long-delayed conversation about mental health in this country. How we screen for people with mental health issues and how we support those who are struggling. As someone who works in mental health and tries to make myself available to as many people as possible, I can tell you that some of our most vulnerable populations are the people who are least likely to have access to care.

I can attest to working with clients with significant mental illnesses – with confusing and frightening symptoms – who have to make Herculean efforts to get to therapists, doctors and psychiatrists. We wind up asking people who struggle just to get through a day to navigate a system that would frustrate and anger and shame the best of us.

As we saw in Munich and Dallas (and on and on and on), in the global climate of bombings and terror and violence, people who are struggling with mental illness can become vulnerable to extreme ideologies because those ideologies can play into feelings of frustration and anger and paranoia. They can provide a feeling of belonging to a population who already feels marginalized and ignored.

We can, and we must, become a culture that becomes more aware of the people in our lives – as friends, as sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, families – as employers and co-workers – we owe it to one another to – notice each other – to become aware of signs of mental illness – of aggression – of depression – of isolation – and when we become aware of these things to know what to do and how to help.

Our country needs a better mental health care infrastructure.

We can, and we must, make mental health a normal part of our conception of “health in general” – and societal health.

While we confront, and must confront, the enormity of political terror organizations such as ISIS and Al Qaeda on a global scale with global strategies, we would also be wise to remember that many of those perpetrating individual acts of terror are not “global” – they are “us” – living in our communities, getting through a day, navigating lives, often isolated and unseen.

And while we may feel overwhelmed by global terror, unsure of what to do, we can find local strength identifying and helping vulnerable individuals in our communities BEFORE they become lost to the voices of anger and violence and hatred and fear – whether those voices are external from global terror organizations – or internal from very real mental illness.

As a country, as we struggle with solutions to “terror” – let’s remember to make mental health a part of the conversation.

When you feel hopeless – create hope.

Create it.

Hope is not something you passively wait to be bestowed on you.

You conceive it.
You give it life.
You nurture it – and set it free.

Hope is an agent of change.

Hope – is a verb – calling on you to become active in your own despair.

Push back against the darkness that wants you to believe that darkness is all there is.

Remember that with the devastation of crucifixion, in all its forms today, comes the possibility of resurrection.

But you have to participate in it.

Do something.

Do it differently.

Today.

Mindfully and purposefully.

Do something.

Do it differently.

Right now.

Start with a place you know – a place where you have control and influence and power.

Start with you.

Choose to change a behavior.
Choose to reject a negative or bigoted belief.
Choose to reject the falsehood that violence and hatred are inevitable and unstoppable.
Choose to acknowledge the injustices you see around you – name them.
Choose to speak up and speak out… to someone, to anyone.
Choose to engage in a kindness… to someone, to anyone.
Choose to see the kindnesses extended to you.
Choose to find a way to support organizations that are searching for positive solutions.

Do something.

And take heart knowing that you – right here – right now – in your own corner of the universe – YOU – can actively facilitate the change we say we want.

We can no longer be passive citizens – global children waiting for someone else to fix it.

I am. You are. We are mighty.

We can – and we must – and we will become the architects of hope the world so desperately needs.

We will conceive it.

We will give it life.

We will nurture it – and set it free.

It is the gateway to our hero’s journey.

Step into it.

Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms – to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way. Viktor E. Frankl

I sat last week, like so many of you, contemplating not only the atrocity that occurred in Orlando, but of course the myriad atrocities that seem to be occurring with clock-like regularity in cities all over the world.

And, like so many of you, I felt completely overwhelmed.

Ancient Greek mythology tells the story of Hercules’ battle with the multi-headed, demon-snake Hydra. According to the myth, Hydra had 9 venom-spewing heads – with one head that was immortal and indestructible. As soon as Hercules would cut off one of the nine heads, two more faces would arise out of the wound – creating a disorienting army of terror – and paralyzing fear.

Where do you start?

How do you fight back?

New York, Boston, San Bernadino, Paris, Brussels, Russia, Turkey, Egypt – and on and on and on.

And now Orlando.

Where do we start?

How do we fight back?

Like Hydra, the mythic multi-headed snake – this visitation in Orlando – this scourge – this very real darkness – shows many faces.

It comes cloaked as jihad, as anti-Semitism, as anti-Christian, as Islamophobia, as homophobia, as racism.

It comes cloaked in reasons and justifications and blame.

This Hydra, this darkness, this cancer, this disease wants us to believe it is many things – and many people – and it whispers their names in our ears.

It’s the Arabs – or the Jews
It’s the gay people – or the straight people – or the “Other”
It’s the Atheists
It’s the immigrants
It’s the Christians – or the Hindus
It’s the black, white, red, yellow or brown people.

It’s the Muslims.

It’s “them.”

But that – is a lie.

This darkness, this Hydra, this travesty today, is only ONE thing, as it has always been.

It is the original evil.

It is the evil born at the beginning of time – at the first awareness that there was something other than love.

It is the evil that begat all the evil we have ever known.

… And it is called “hate.”

And it has been the same hate – called by different names – throughout history.
Now dressed as Stalin
Now dressed as Hitler
Now dressed as Pol Pot
Now dressed as the KKK

Now dressed as ISIS

It is the same hate that killed Jesus, killed Gandhi, killed Kennedy and killed Martin Luther King, Jr.

It is the hate that kills.

It is slavery hate.
And genocide hate.
And rape hate.

It is homophobia hate
And racist hate
Islamophobia hate
And immigrant hate.

It is the hate of the “Other.”

It is the hate that has reappeared in every generation, from time immemorial, trying to suffocate us with hopelessness

And heartbreak
And fear
And rage

Trying to crush us with despair.

And – we do despair.

And we are – heartbroken and fearful and raging.

And yes, we may feel hopeless.

For a moment.

For just a moment.

And then we rise up….

As we have done before…. knowing that our salvation rests in our unity.

We rise up – as we have done before – when darkness comes to our door.

We rise up from our fear.

We clasp hands – and we rise up – from our despair
and our heartbreak
and our hopelessness.

We clasp hands – and we rise up – in our anger – and – yes – our outrage – and we transform that anger and that outrage into determination.

And we rise up together – now united in our common purpose.

We rise up because we can.

We rise up because we must.

As free people…

AS FREE PEOPLE…

We unite and rise up – and we do what the generations before us have done.

We begin the Hero’s journey we have been called to take.

We become the Heroes we need to be.

The task seems great… the odds look bleak. Because this hate – this current hate – is directed at our freedom.

It is directed at our joy.

It is directed at our humanity.

It is directed at our spirit.

No one is immune.

No one.

The task seemed great. The odds were bleak – but Hercules defeated Hydra.

Hercules defeated Hydra – when he understood he could not do it alone.

We cannot do it alone.

So – we – mourn – together – and we rise up – together – and we clasp hands – together – and we take a deep breath…

And we begin.

Again.

Together.

I AM. YOU ARE. MIGHTY.

——–
Joe Bolduc
Speak to Understand

It does not seem possible that in less than a year I have to re-post this. But darkness has once again obscured our view – or so it seems. The violence is real – but history teaches us that its grasp is temporary… Hold tight. Hold together. Remember who you are.

I AM. YOU ARE. MIGHTY.
JE SUIS. TU ES. PUISSANT.

When dark times come again… as dark times do…

And hatred…

And violence…

And fear…

Feel choking… and present… and personal…

We are tempted to believe that darkness is all there is…

But try to remember that from the beginning …

We have been faced with those who have lost their humanity…

And in doing so try to annihilate ours…

It is not possible.

From New York to Newtown.

Birkenau to Boston.

From Phnom Penh to beloved Paris

Across time…

Across cultures…

And across the globe…

Storms come…

And change the landscape for a time.

Storms come…

And try to make us believe that nothing exists but storm…

But we hold tight…

Together…

In our fear…

In our sorrow…

In our outrage…

We hold tight…

Together…

In our love…

In our courage…

And in our faith

We hold tight…

Together…

In our resolve

And the storm consumes itself.

The darkness fades.

The skies clear.

And we endure.

We.

Endure.

Suicide and the Loss of Hope.

Hope is gone. And a life is stolen from us.

We read about them every day… someone’s son, someone’s daughter, a husband, a wife, a mother, a father – a dear friend, a casual acquaintance, a co-worker – someone you passed by every day – a fellow traveler in the landscape of your life.

Across all ages and ethnicities, genders and class.

Someone you knew.
Someone you loved.
Took their life.

And left us with nothing but confusion…
Nothing but anger…
Nothing but heartbreak…
Nothing but despair…

Someone you knew, someone you loved, took their life
And left nothing but a void…

Or so it seems.

But look again.

Look again into that void. They left a lived life.

Look again into that void. They left a clue.

Look again and see the results of shame.

Look again and see the results of isolation.

Look again and see the results of an aching hopelessness.

Look again and see depression.

Depression… is a thief.

Read that again.

Depression is a thief.

AND IT IS RUTHLESS.

It whispers lies in your ears.

And they sound like the truth.

It whispers lies in your ears.

And they become a roar.

It whispers lies so loud that they drown out love.
They drown out caring.
They drown out the life that you’ve built.
And the goodness that surrounds you.

The whispers become so loud and so relentless that all you hear are the whispers.

And you become unreachable and unrecognizable to yourself – and the people who know you best.

The whispers become so loud and so relentless…
That for a moment – one, awful, tragic, irreversible moment – you can’t hear hope.

You no longer hear hope.

Depression is a thief.

But we can stop it.

We can stop it by acknowledging it.
We can stop it by claiming it.
We can stop it by educating ourselves about it.

We can stop it by resisting the impulse to turn away from its face.
And we can stop it by resisting the impulse to turn away from those in its clutches.

We can stop it by refusing to be shamed by it.

We can stop it by listening for it.

We can stop it by hearing it– in our friends, in our loved ones and in ourselves.

And when we hear it – we can call out for help.

A doctor, a pastor, a therapist, a family member, a friend.

Call someone.

Because depression feeds on isolation – and grows on shame.

But it is destroyed by doing what we do best. Reaching out and coming together to defeat a common enemy.

Today – together – we can, all of us, push back against those whispers and the false promise of despair.

Today – together – we can push back against the darkness that wants us to believe that only darkness exists. That is a lie.

Today – together – we can REFUSE to let depression have the final say. We REJECT that.

Because today – through the lives of those we have already lost – we see not a void – but a call to arms – a battle cry – a plea – a prayer.

We see, not a void, but the glowing embers of hope that we, individually and collectively, will take the steps necessary to understand and combat depression and mental illness – and embrace those who are suffering.

If you, or anyone you know is suffering from depression and feeling suicidal, reach out. Speak out.

And remember that you can always call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255, or find live chat assistance at www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org.

When Michelangelo was asked how he was able to create such transcendent sculpture out of what are essentially lifeless slabs of stone, he is said to have replied, “The living art already exists inside the stone. My job, as I see it, is simply to remove the excess marble.”

There have been various interpretations and incarnations of this quote throughout the centuries. It has become one of my favorites. I first heard it in a lecture by author Marianne Williamson. I use it in my life, and in my psychotherapy practice, because it speaks to my hopeful belief that at the core of our humanity lays our inherent individual potential. This potential, and the striving for it, are our birthright. You can see it in infants and children. They are built to maximize their individual gifts.

And then life happens.

And we react to it.

We react to being hurt, to being judged, to being rejected, to being afraid. We react to broken families, to toxic relationships, to the feeling that perhaps we are not quite good enough.

Our reactions take the form of defenses, of emotional armor, of masks. We apply them, in the moment, for self-preservation – or so we think.

But over time, all of these layers, all of this excess, begin to obscure the truth about that essential you. The very things that you put in place as protection become the roadblocks to the happiness and fulfillment you say you want.

For me, in my long and continuing quest for personal authenticity, the excess marble was shame regarding my sexuality. My excess marble was mistrust and fear of others (well earned I might add, but destructive nonetheless). It was fear of failure, and ironically, fear of not living up to my potential. It was holding onto anger, at myself, and others. It was a refusal to forgive.

Through my own work with a wonderful therapist, I began the frightening but humanizing work of examining my “emotional wardrobe” – all the things I put on in order to survive, or thought I did. I began to ask myself, which pieces were serving me in being the person I said I wanted to be – and having the life I said I deserved – and which things did not. And once I had that information, what was I willing to remove?

With each new year, new month, new day, I continually ask myself the same questions.

And I ask them of you.

What is your mask? What is your “excess marble”? What layers obscure the truth about you? What armor have you acquired over the years that could be reconsidered? Which pieces still serve you – and which pieces are you willing to remove?

Fritz Perls, founder of Gestalt Therapy, said, “every living thing has only one inborn goal – to actualize itself as is.”

As you move through your days, I hope that you hold on to the image of your pure potential. Remember that the essential you is not the mistakes you made. You are not the armor, nor the excess marble. You remain what you have always been – but sometimes forget.

Each morning, as I prepare for the day, I take comfort in knowing that I have a choice.  I take comfort in knowing that in any given moment, I can lift the veil. I can remember who I am and what I want. I can acknowledge the barriers to my happiness and, should I decide, I can choose to do it differently.

Or not.

And so can you.

And so it’s here… this thing you feared…
this thing you had hoped would never come…
this darkness…
this visitation.

When dark times come… as dark times do… and it seems that darkness is all there is… Remember who you are.